One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to think that “once _____ happens, I’ll be happy.”
Once he likes me, I’ll be happy. Once I make X amount of money, I’ll be happy. Once I lose 10 lbs, I’ll be happy. Once I start over on Monday, I’ll feel good about myself.
Ever do this to yourself? We do it all the time. I’m the first to admit it and it’s pretty natural to place your happiness on something you think will give it to you.
But here’s what happens: You get the guy and you’re not happy yet. You lose the weight and aren’t happy yet. You get the dream job and aren’t happy yet.
OR, EVEN WORSE: You don’t get the guy. You don’t lose the weight. You don’t get the job. And you’re still not happy.
OMG Lupe why are you making me cry in the club rn.
I promise this little intro is all for a reason. If you’re trying to be a badass person who messes up, bounces back, and hits her goals…because a badass is not perfect, she just knows how to bounce back…
You need to remember that happiness is a practice, not an end goal.
Meaning that you have to learn how to bounce back and pull yourself up from the big stuff and the little stuff.
THINK ABOUT IT: How many times a day do little things happen? No day is perfect and we learn how to pull ourselves up hundreds of times a day.
When you learn how to pull yourself up from a bad situation (big OR small), you’ve mastered the art of PRACTICING happiness.
This means that you’re not waiting for the guy, the body, the job. You’re learning to be happy in the moment and THAT is what attracts all the other good things in your life.
Here’s my playbook for bouncing back like a badass – in anything:
LET IT SIT FOR A SEC. Don’t mask your emotions, don’t bury them. Let yourself understand what’s going on and get a cry in if you need to. Address it, don’t bury it. (more on masking emotions in the podcast dropping this week). When you let things sit, you can allow yourself to FEEL and then make a conscious choice to move on and take your next step.
DECIDE HOW YOU WANT THINGS TO GO. Have you ever had something terrible happen and just not know what would happen next? Clarity = healing. Healthy mindset = deciding to be okay in the end. For me, this usually looks like deciding then and there that how I want it to is that I end up okay. Bad day? I decide that in the end, I want to be okay. Fight? I decide I want to be okay no matter how it turns out. Feeling insecure? I decide I’m going to be okay.
PUT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH FIRST. My friend Lauren gave the BEST advice (podcast coming this week) on something you can do anytime, anywhere when it comes to taking control back in a terrible situation. If something happens that’s a small thing (like your train gets delayed), you do what you need to to avoid it trickling into your attitude for the rest of the day. If something BIG happens (a breakup, a personal loss), you do what you need to in that moment to take care of your mental health. A deep breath, a therapist, someone you love.
PICK THE ONE THING. Sometimes we overwhelm ourselves when things get bad and don’t actually end up doing anything about it. My best advice here is to pick the ONE thing you’re in control of in the moment, and do that. Don’t worry about the rest. Whenever I need to pull myself back up, I think of the ONE thing I can do for myself to get closer to a better place. Sometimes that’s taking a walk to clear my head, sometimes it’s crying and not touching my phone until I want to talk to people. Whatever works in the moment.
So if you take one thing away from this post, remember that being happy isn’t the end goal, it’s the thing you have to practice when the good stuff happens AND when the bad stuff happens. You have everything you need to pull yourself up like a badass even when you don’t feel like one.
It actually takes a lot out of me sometimes when I write posts like this because I still don’t have it all figured out. Would love your tips & hacks on staying on top of your game and keeping yourself up. Thanks for reading!
XO – Lupe