I’m a super easygoing person. I try to share everything I know in a fun way, an easy way, a positive way so that you guys can feel like getting the body & lifestyle you want is doable AF.
BUT… every good coach knows that sometimes we need tough love, a kick in the ass, something to give us that reality check so we can stop making excuses.
The other day, I was having a convo with the sweetest girl in the world (let’s call her Ashley) about how she was having a terrible time losing weight. Ashley always tried to eat better but there were times where she would say “screw it”, “I’ll start over tomorrow” because that pizza, those fries, those chips were just calling her name.
And then Ashley would feel bad about herself for a few days, hop back on the grind and be super disciplined for a few days, and then a wine night happened, or a meal out happened that made her tell everyone she “just wasn’t meant to lose this weight”.
So my girl Ashley has a lot going on, and there’s a lot of room to be nicer to herself…
…but she also had the biggest crutch in the world.
And we’ve ALL used this crutch before to give ourselves a reason why we CAN’T reach that goal every time…
My old favorite line to say (and new worst nightmare line to hear): “I have no self-control”.
It’s the easiest thing to say when you’re about to do something unhealthy, or when you regret a choice you made. I just have no self-control.
But here’s the thing: you actually have a TON of self-control.
It’s just that when you make a choice you regret, you take the power away from yourself and put it on some self-control bullshit that makes you feel like you can’t help it.
I say this in the most loving way because I loooooooved saying this to myself, and for me, it was all about FEAR.
I was SCARED of truly reaching that healthy weight and hitting my goal because part of me was scared of NOT hitting it and looking like I failed. Ashley’s scared of missing out on foods she loves, so the self-control crutch helps her keep those foods into her life. If you say this, I’m sure you have your own little fears that are stopping you from going all in and building a lifestyle the healthy way.
So if you want to ditch the crutch, still enjoy what you love, and have the freedom to not be perfect, here’s what I told Ashley:
Remember that you ALWAYS have self-control. Even when you choose something unhealthy and crave things and listen to those cravings, you are CHOOSING to do so. In the moment, you want the food and you’re choosing it. So it’s self-control, it just gives you a result you don’t like.
You can slowly learn how to choose the healthy option if that’s what you want. Using future pacing (imagining how you’ll feel after eating X vs. X choice), making a specific plan on how you can pick something next time if your choice made you feel unhealthy or bloated, and just planning ahead before you’re in that situation (did you eat a nourishing lunch? did you drink water? etc).
You can still control the snacks, indulging, and treats. You can eat these things with ZERO guilt if you just decide that okay, this is an indulgence, I’m going to REALLY enjoy this, stop when I’m full, and move on with my healthy day.
Remember that this is a long game. Your health journey is going to last you for life, so enjoy it and be present. The more you take the power away from yourself and blame self-control, willpower, whatever, you’re doing yourself a disservice. Instead, just focus on what you ARE in control of, in this moment, and take it one step at a time.
So Ashley went ahead and decided to ditch the crutch, be a little nicer to herself when she has a learning moment, and she’s deciding to do what makes her FEEL good in the moment. Be like Ashley.
If this feels like you, and you want a REAL pep talk from someone who knows how to deliver the tough love with so much love, you’ll need to check out this episode of H&H Radio: Heal Your Relationship with Food. I promise.
So with that I’ll send you on your way, babes. Remember you have all the self-control in the world, you just need to give some of that power back to yourself.
XO – Lupe
Was this the pep talk you needed? LMK.